Marriage and Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Since getting married, my eyes have been opened to how selfish and unkind I can be sometimes.  During one week in particular, a couple weeks ago, I felt like I was constantly finding fault - especially with my husband.  It really hit me in the face, and I asked the Lord to help me.  As I was in my quiet time, I read this wonderful passage from some writings by Dietrich Bonhoeffer:

" 'Welcome one another, therefore, as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God' (Rom. 15:7). In a word, live together in the forgiveness of your sins, for without it no human fellowship, least of all a marriage, can survive. Don't insist on your rights, don't blame each other, don't judge or condemn each other, don't find fault with each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts. From the first day of your wedding till the last the rule must be: 'Welcome one another ... for the glory of God.' That is God's word for your marriage. Thank God for it; thank God for leading you thus far; ask God to establish your marriage, to confirm it, sanctify it, and preserve it. So your marriage will be 'for the praise of God's glory.' Amen."

It was exactly the word that I needed, so I wrote down and framed the italicized section as a reminder for myself, and this passage has become my prayer for my marriage, as well as learning to become more thankful, encouraging, and appreciative.

Lost Reverence...

I just read Psalm 7, and the verse that stood out to me the most was the last one, verse 17 - "I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High." (emphasis added)

I recently had a conversation with my husband in which he was telling me that he feels like people have lost reverence for God. He reminded me how, in Biblical times, even God's name was holy, and people were careful about when and how they used it. I'm ashamed to admit that I was kind of flippant about the issue during our conversation - but it showed me how I, too, have lost that reverence. All around me, all the time, His name is used casually. In fact, when I get frustrated, I have a tendency to say "Good Lord"...to which my husband always replies, "One of these days He's going to answer you." Yes, that is somewhat amusing, but not so when I realize what it says about how I'm treating the only, Almighty, Creator of the universe. When He spoke, people trembled. When He walked by, Moses was only allowed to see the back of Him, because His glory was too much to behold, and even the reflection of His glory on Moses' face had to be covered up. We tend to like to think of Him as our close, loving friend, and yes, He loves us, but we also forget sometimes Who He is. He deserves all the praise and honor we have to give, so my prayer is that I will learn to "give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness."

On a side note - I've been married about 3 and half months (I know, not so long yet!), and I am constantly humbled as I live with and learn from my husband. This is not the first time he's seriously challenged me by his attitude or things he's said. I admit that I don't always receive it with grace, but I am grateful. Marriage is truly refining - which can be equally hard and wonderful. All that to say, I'm truly thankful for my husband and all that I'm learning from him.

Pride goes before the fall...

I don't get angry very easily. I'm the type of person who takes a long time to get angry...but once my long fuse is burnt up, watch out. I'm not proud of how I react when I do get angry. I'm just telling what I know of myself. I'd like to think that I try to look for the best in people. I try to show respect to others and learn to love them for who they are. There is one thing, however, that will easily make me lose all respect for others. I don't have any respect for those who make themselves look good by making others look bad, whether it be individuals, organizations, or nations. As I get older, I realize more and more the depravity of the human race, and especially my own depravity. At the same time, I have not lost sight of the good that people do as well. I am eternally grateful for God's grace in our lives...in MY life. I only pray that God will help me to teach my kids (when I have them) to treat others with respect and dignity.

This post started out as a rant against something in people that makes me really angry. However, God graciously and gently humbles me and reminds me that nobody is perfect, and while it still makes me angry, I am as much in need of grace as those people are. I don't have to respect that kind of behavior in others, but I do need to treat them with love.

Trust...

So I realize that I'm not very good at updating this. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, I have so much I want to say that it's hard to keep my thoughts straight. I just don't have time right now. I did want to share one specific thing right now, though.

God has been challenging me a lot in different areas of my life over the past year, but it always boils down to one thing: TRUST. I know that He's been trying to teach me to trust Him, and allow Him to work His plan for my life in His timing. He's promised me things, and I tell Him that I trust Him to do those things...but then I get worried and frustrated when I don't see those things happening...within my timetable. A lot of things have hit me recently, reminding me that I do this, and that I need to "let go and let God" (as cliche as that sounds) - but this morning I read this:

Paul, speaking of Abraham, says in Romans 4:20&21: "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

Wow. What a reality check for me. Abraham had so much more reason to doubt and be frustrated than I do. He was an old man, and his wife was barren, and God had promised them that they would have a son, and that Abraham would be the father of nations. Abraham "was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God..." I, on the other hand, waver in my faith and have not given glory to God.

So this is my prayer that I will learn to truly TRUST, and give glory to God in all circumstances, having faith in His goodness and His promise to me.

fast and slow...

Life is strange, and time is strange. Somehow days/months/years pass by so fast and yet so slowly. How does that work? I just finished my first week of this school year, and it has felt like a month already. But I'm encouraged. I'm totally overwhelmed by psychology, and all the classes seem to run together, so that I end up confused about what I need to know for which. I'm excited about this year, though. I'm finally getting into what I enjoy and what interests me.

Lately I've felt constantly on the brink of going crazy. Not psychopath crazy (i've been reading too many psychology textbooks) - but allowing myself to get too overwhelmed and stressed out and anxious. I read Psalm 91 this morning: verses 1 and 2 - He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."  Verse 4 - He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  Verses 14-16 - "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."  I have had such a peace since this morning. I am constantly reminded that I need to release control and TRUST God with my days and every big or little thing that happens in them.

(super)Senior year begins...

Well, I just finished my 2nd day of classes, which means I've had a taste of every single class I'll be taking this semester - except for one, that only meets on Mondays. It's all psychology, except for one Bible class. Right now I feel...unsure. I think that I'm coming to this semester exhausted...in practically every way...and I can tell that I am going to be challenged. I'm excited about the new things I'll learn, but I'm also not sure I'm up for the challenge...I feel weary. I'm suddenly seeing the Lord doing a new thing in my life...breaking down some old habits and attitudes and ways of thinking, and challenging me in new ways...and I have to admit: I'm a little scared of what that's going to mean. I know that this refining process will work new and wonderful things in my life, but at the same time, I also want to retreat from the pain of the tearing away that He's going to do and from the revelation of those areas in my life that need refining.

We'll see how it goes. It's scary...but I realize I won't be doing it alone...so I need to surrender to it...