Trust...

So I realize that I'm not very good at updating this. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, I have so much I want to say that it's hard to keep my thoughts straight. I just don't have time right now. I did want to share one specific thing right now, though.

God has been challenging me a lot in different areas of my life over the past year, but it always boils down to one thing: TRUST. I know that He's been trying to teach me to trust Him, and allow Him to work His plan for my life in His timing. He's promised me things, and I tell Him that I trust Him to do those things...but then I get worried and frustrated when I don't see those things happening...within my timetable. A lot of things have hit me recently, reminding me that I do this, and that I need to "let go and let God" (as cliche as that sounds) - but this morning I read this:

Paul, speaking of Abraham, says in Romans 4:20&21: "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised."

Wow. What a reality check for me. Abraham had so much more reason to doubt and be frustrated than I do. He was an old man, and his wife was barren, and God had promised them that they would have a son, and that Abraham would be the father of nations. Abraham "was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God..." I, on the other hand, waver in my faith and have not given glory to God.

So this is my prayer that I will learn to truly TRUST, and give glory to God in all circumstances, having faith in His goodness and His promise to me.

fast and slow...

Life is strange, and time is strange. Somehow days/months/years pass by so fast and yet so slowly. How does that work? I just finished my first week of this school year, and it has felt like a month already. But I'm encouraged. I'm totally overwhelmed by psychology, and all the classes seem to run together, so that I end up confused about what I need to know for which. I'm excited about this year, though. I'm finally getting into what I enjoy and what interests me.

Lately I've felt constantly on the brink of going crazy. Not psychopath crazy (i've been reading too many psychology textbooks) - but allowing myself to get too overwhelmed and stressed out and anxious. I read Psalm 91 this morning: verses 1 and 2 - He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."  Verse 4 - He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.  Verses 14-16 - "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."  I have had such a peace since this morning. I am constantly reminded that I need to release control and TRUST God with my days and every big or little thing that happens in them.

(super)Senior year begins...

Well, I just finished my 2nd day of classes, which means I've had a taste of every single class I'll be taking this semester - except for one, that only meets on Mondays. It's all psychology, except for one Bible class. Right now I feel...unsure. I think that I'm coming to this semester exhausted...in practically every way...and I can tell that I am going to be challenged. I'm excited about the new things I'll learn, but I'm also not sure I'm up for the challenge...I feel weary. I'm suddenly seeing the Lord doing a new thing in my life...breaking down some old habits and attitudes and ways of thinking, and challenging me in new ways...and I have to admit: I'm a little scared of what that's going to mean. I know that this refining process will work new and wonderful things in my life, but at the same time, I also want to retreat from the pain of the tearing away that He's going to do and from the revelation of those areas in my life that need refining.

We'll see how it goes. It's scary...but I realize I won't be doing it alone...so I need to surrender to it...