"Impressive or Impressed?"

I was struck this Sunday, as we were out of town and visiting a church, how much the message related to things I have been learning lately - about myself, and about how I view myself and what it says about my worship.

The sermon was based off of John 3:27-30, which says this:

John answered, "A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, 'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.' The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease." (emphasis added)

The pastor asked the question: "Is the aim of your life/day/moment to be impressive, or to be impressed?"  He also asked how we define success.  I thought I had a good definition of success, that was certainly not based on money...but it was actually misguided in other ways.  I judged my success based on the grades I made and whether people like me.  Those are not necessarily bad things, but I was focused more on my own honor (or lack of it) than on Christ and what He did for me.  I was more inwardly focused than Christ-focused. 

Verse 27 says that "a person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven."  Whatever intellectual ability I may have, and whatever qualities I have that may make me a good friend - I received them all from the Lord.  Yet I have taken personal pride in such things, instead of thanking God for His grace in my life.  I want my joy to be complete in Him - simply (wonderfully!) in Him.

I must share a few more quotes - from the pastor and from others that he quoted.  1) The pastor said that "the fight of the Christian life is not to become stronger or better or faster, but rather to become peripheral in your own existence."  This is what I want - to become focused on Christ.

2) From Martin Luther: "It is certain that man must utterly despair of his own ability before he is prepared to receive the grace of Christ."

3) And this delightful one from John Piper: "They showed me that the highest mental health is not liking myself but being joyfully interested in everything but myself. They were the type of people who were so amazed that people had noses - not strange noses, just noses - that walking down any busy street was like a trip to the zoo. O yes, they themselves had noses, but they couldn't see their own. And why would they want to? Look at all these noses they are free to look at! Amazing. The capacity of these men for amazement was huge. I marveled and I prayed that I would stop wasting so much time and so much emotional energy thinking about myself."

And this is my prayer as well...that I will "stop wasting so much time and so much emotional energy thinking about myself."  I want to be amazed by others and look toward Christ and live in worship, instead of always thinking about how I measure up and trying harder to be what I think other people want me to be, and so always feeling like I've failed.

This may seem like nothing new to some people, but it was a big eye-opener for me, and it also helped to set me free a little.  I feel less of a burden to try to be "somebody," and more free to simply be and to worship the Lord.

Twice As Good

"Twice As Good" by Sara Groves

When I am down and need to cry 'til morning
I know just where I am going
When I'm in need of sweet commiseration
To speak out loud
Raise a glass to friendship
And to knowing you don't have to go alone
We'll raise our hearts to share each others' burdens
On this road

Every burden I have carried
Every joy - it's understood
Life with you is half as hard
And twice as good

With my good news you're dancing on the table
Babies born, to celebration
The joy of life, oh what a sweet communion
Shared with you

Every burden I have carried
Every joy - it's understood
Life with you is half as hard
And twice as good

I know we're growing older
Can you imagine what that will bring?
It's all a mystery to me now
This one thing will be half as hard
And twice as good



I am a big Sara Groves fan.  Her songs are so meaningful and real.  Every time I hear this one, I am so thankful that I have relationships like this.  I am extremely grateful for the depth of friendship with, and the love and support of, my good friends and family. This is fellowship in the Body of Christ. So I say thank you to them for being this to me - for living life with me and making it "half as hard and twice as good."
I love you guys (you know who you are)...a lot.

Important lessons

Over the past few months, I have really been struggling with my sense of self-worth.  I have always been a people-pleaser, but it has really been recently that I've realized how much I allow peoples' opinions of me (or what I perceive to be their opinions) to dictate how I feel about myself.  I have put my trust and sense of self-worth in the wrong things, and when I felt like those things were stripped away, I came away feeling empty, inadequate, and like a total failure.  The Lord has been reminding me that I need to put my trust in Him alone, and remember who I am in Him. 

As I have gone to Scripture to regain that understanding, this is the main point that I have come away with: I have been bought with a price.  I am a ransomed child of God.  That's all that matters - and in light of that, I shouldn't put myself down or let other peoples' opinions of me decide what I am.  I shouldn't be arrogant, but I can have confidence in who I am in Christ.

With that lesson, though, I have learned another one as well.  Forgiveness.  I have been brought back to Jesus' parable of the unforgiving servant, as well as to Colossians 3:13, which says "as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."  I have been bought with a price, and forgiven...and so just as I have been forgiven, so I also must forgive.  It has all been hitting me at once, it seems, but recently I realized that I have been holding on to hurts from years ago - petty things, really - and as cliche as it sounds, I know that my bitterness is really only hurting me. 

Bitterness and passing judgment on others is not worth it, at all.  God is judge, and only He knows the motives in our hearts.  We cannot control the way other people act toward us, but we are absolutely responsible for our own actions.  This doesn't mean we should turn a blind eye when people do things that are wrong.  I am extremely thankful for the friends and family I have who over the years have been willing to lovingly confront and correct me.  Those who didn't condemn me, but gently pointed out my mistakes - they are my best friends, and I will be eternally grateful to them for helping me grow.

So here's to letting go, and learning (with the Lord's help) to forgive...because God knows I have been forgiven MUCH.